What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:04
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
Tesla Stock Is Falling on a Downgrade. The Musk-Trump Feud Isn’t Helping. - Barron's
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
NASA withdraws support for conferences - SpaceNews
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Trump is forcing this dirty, costly coal plant to stay open - The Washington Post
This is how, and why children get BPD.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
How would you feel if your girlfriend had dick pics on her phone?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Liverpool FC parade crash injured rises to 109 - BBC
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But, we were locked up after school.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My family never makes their pension either.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ive learnt so much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is soul school!.
She found it foreign!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Put me off passion for life!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I will be 64.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It was going to be , some day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I waited trembling.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were not on the streets..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She loved him until the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I said to her
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was scared of men, in general
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So, i spoilt her more .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was in good health!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Who then, do I blame.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was seconnd youngest,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When she asked me how she looked .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im still living with it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My life is so biszare .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He knew the spot.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One cannot live in the past .
All the time i was locked up.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was 9 years of age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was very sick at this time too.
What did i know ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.